Foreign Feelings

Today was unusual, not for any specific reason besides the fact that I began to think more about Kendal's condition and how she might seem a little different from her peers. As much as we have going on with the therapies and doctors appointments, I sometimes forget that Kendal is different in her own way. Because this crazy schedule is all I know, I forget that not all children have to go through these things to gain new skills. I guess I just don't pay much attention to Kendal's differences anymore (1) because it is usually a waste of time and (2) it will drive you totally crazy. But what got me thinking this morning was the sweetest little act of kindness....

I took Kendal to daycare this morning and she is still somewhat struggling with the drop-off procedure. She cries and I feel awful but of course after I leave I know that she does fine. As I was trying to say good-bye this morning, a beautiful little girl in Kendal's class came up and said, "Hi, Kendal". It was so sweet and so thoughtful to greet Kendal when she obviously was struggling with adapting to her new daycare. I went ahead and left for the day and continued to think about the little girl that said Kendal's name just as clearly as I do.

I think I forgot to some extent that children that age have begun to talk. Now don't get me wrong - I did not feel sad. I just felt weird. This feeling was totally foreign to me. Nothing I could specifically put my finger on. I guess just a true realization that Kendal is different. A true realization that I don't know what the future holds for Kendal, or what God has planned for her, or the magnitude of how she has changed my life in ways that I cannot yet understand. I long to hear Kendal talk. To say, "Look, Mommy" or "I Love You". Whether she says these things in her life or not, it will not change the enormous gratitude and love that I feel for God who has blessed me with this child. It truly, truly humbles me...