Got Me Thinking

I was at work the other day and heard a commercial for the last season of The Oprah Winfrey Show. What caught my attention is that Oprah was saying that the one primal thing she has learned after all these years is that people just want to be heard. They what to have their voice. They want that connection with others. This really got me thinking.

Having a non-verbal child, I couldn't get the worry out of my head about Kendal wanting to have her voice. I can't imagine how hard it is for her watching the world around her chatter away without being able to get in a word. I know that Kendal will always be "different" from others in the fact that she won't be able to talk. I know that most people will never know how cool she is because they will never take the opportunity to know her. This realization is so hurtful to my heart. We all want our children accepted, but realistically I know that Kendal will be made fun of due to her disability. The hard part for me is that she won't be able to dish back at them what they throw at her. Will she understand when she is insulted or made fun of? Will I be able to teach her that is doesn't matter what those people say about her? Will she mentally understand what is going on? I don't know the answers to these questions, but they keep me up at night. Gnawing at me when I am weak in my faith.

Part of me wants to be there to defend her when she won't be able to defend herself. I imagine what I would tell people when they give us ugly looks at a restaurant because Kendal is loud or hard to handle. I imagine what I would tell little children who innocently ask me why Kendal won't talk, even though I don't really know the answer myself. I fantasize about Kendal waking up one day and she is a "normal" child. No more therapists, no more specialists, no more medications, no more battles with her, no more constant worries over paying all her expenses, no more..........

I wonder what I can do to make sure Kendal is heard. To make sure that her thoughts and feelings are valued even if she can't express them like most people. I don't know the answers to these questions but they continue to weigh on me. I will continue to work toward understanding how Kendal must feel and give her any and every way to express herself. I know I must help her get her voice. I know that she has important things to say and it is my job to find an outlet for her.