Me and Tara
Me and Grandma (Can you believe she's 88?)
Thought this picture was so cute - Tara, Kendal, & Lucy
Me and dad
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2009 is gone and with it I am both sad and full of anticipation about what is come in 2010. Kendal has so much going on right now. She is flourishing in so many ways and more than what the doctors prepared us for - is there any doubt of how great our God is?
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Christmas was great since we got to see so much of our family - just wish we could see them more often. My good friend Shirley gave birth to Max on Christmas morning. It doesn't get any better than that! As I get older older I am so much more thankful for what we have. Family and friends mean the world to me and I know that life is good.
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I ended the year on a sour note mentally. I try not to get down in the dumps especially when I realize just how blessed we are. But occasionally I do let the blues creep into my mind and temporarily take over. I know this is "normal" but I still get frustrated that I freak out thinking about what is and what is to come. All the unknowns. As a Christian, I am so bothered that I continue to worry when I know that God is in control and Kendal is his child. I don't know if all the questions are a lack of faith on my part or if it is Satan trying to continually confuse me with lies and deceit. Whatever the reason, 2010 has not begun in a good way.
It probably started out when I took Kendal to the doctor in December and it was actually the first time I had been out with Kendal where her disability was very apparent. In the waiting room of the doctors office, there were several toys in the corner of the room. There were children playing with them as it was a busy day with the flu season in full force. Kendal was excited and began hollering and pointing to the toys. I continued to tell her to go play and that I would be watching, but for whatever reason she just kept watching the other children and yelling. It was the kind of yell you would hear from a mentally retarded child in an institution. She was so loud and it got uncomfortable because the children stopped playing because they weren't sure what to do. It grew more awkward as I received several looks from other parents as I got Kendal to hold her in my lap. I even got a comment from another mother, "Oh, she's so beautiful!" I broke down. I mean totally lost it there in the waiting room. Tears falling to the floor, flipped out. Why did it catch me so off guard?
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It happened again we when we received the sweetest gift from Kendal's daycare. They had video taped different activities that the class had been involved in throughout the month of December. I again began tearing up seeing how Kendal was not able to name the states, recite the Pledge of Allegiance, recite the books of the Bible, etc. I know that Kendal can't do what other children her age are doing but it was somehow harder to see it on the TV. That Kendal - my child - was the one in the classroom that was different. I guess knowing something in your head and actually "getting" it are two different things.
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To top it off, Kendal was more than a handful with all the additional days off from school and daycare. They continually have her stimulated by activities so when she is home she is completely bored. I'm not sure if other "angels" are like this, but Kendal has very little interest in toys. She is much more interested in you being her toy! She is constantly craving attention so if I am doing the dishes and not watching her, she will do something to get my attention. What does that usually involve?? Ripping pages out of books, throwing things at me, hitting me, etc. I try to remember that she doesn't have the option of saying, "Hey mom - over here!" I guess she has found out very quickly how to get my attention and she is very good at it I might add!
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To top it off, she went about 10 days of waking up every night and being up for hours on end. Anyone that knows an angel probably has the same issues. Kendal is usually pretty good with sleep but she does go through phases where her insomnia keeps her up most of the night. James has been wonderful helping me get additional sleep from being up with her. Because Kendal is Houdini reincarnated, we cut out the feet in her PJ's, put them on her backwards, sewed up the neck so it can't be stretched out, and she is now still dressed in the morning. She has gotten out of almost everything and so far so good with her new nighttime get-up.
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I guess I need to realize that we will always have good days and bad days. We just have to take it one day at a time. I must remember this isn't all easy for Kendal either. I know she gets frustrated and I know I work her tale off.
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2010 will be great. I will try my hardest to get back into updating this more often. A video should follow in the next day or two of Kendal in speech therapy. Thanks for all the support and feedback we have gotten on this blog. If anything, I hope it helps another family who find themselves traveling down the same road.
